Love, I Dreamt Of….

I was happy to find life again. Just two blocks away from my place. It really made me feel better again. After the dark, dangerous meanders and twisted courses of life, now I had got a chance to straighten them all. I thought I had got rid of the excruciating pains. And that now I qualified for better, brighter, beautiful bargains. I don’t know why did I, but I did meet you and was mesmerized to see the flicker of light which would guide me towards happiness shore. You came as an angel to my rescue, the everything I could hope for, not more, not less. Those blue eyes and those bright eyes, they were hope already. The power in your words was so positive, so divine, I could not help fall in love, pretty and fine. You gave me directions, meanings, a friend, philosopher, guide, and love too, I thought. Before you and your magic, I was nothing, nowhere, invisible, incapable and pitifully much more. But I was thankful finally that the disease had met its cure. You helped me as a well-wisher in every aspect of my life, you made things better, brighter and nice. I thought you were meant to be mine, forever. I knew somewhere you loved me too, and I dreamt of your love, your touch, your support, and strength always to be with me. I dreamt of love in the sun, love in the sands, in the skies, on the ground, I dreamt of love to be all around, you and me, being true, being pure. I dreamt of a love with no hassles, boundaries, with colors, with compassion, with truth, with vibes, and with God’s blessing. But I don’t know where unknowingly I was messing, thinking, hoping, believing and trusting, investing in a lie, in a game, in conspiracy theories, no, not by you but my dark destiny, of course. I never could know that you were not close to what I thought you were and you were nowhere near my love for you. You had a taste, a standard, an idea and a feel for your dream girl which was different and oh which was not at all like me and yes, this brought the whirlwind in my life. One sad day, you made me realize that you were just a buddy and all those dreamy daisies and dreams I had cultivated silently went to rot. Being with you for a while now, I had quite forgotten that the wrongs done to my life could never be rectified. So I surrendered knowing there could be no fight, anymore for me with my luck, my love, my life or anything else because I did not command any bit of it and destiny. It could do whatever it pleased to with me. I was its loser bait for free. I was now a confirmed unlucky mascot to the core and now I wanted no more, of life, of nothing. But surprisingly I still did not want to quit. I wanted to let go off the feelings of desperation, I still wanted to be a strong human being. I know I am a universal loser, a fool, a shit head, and many more synonyms could go into strengthening my loser resume. But I want to now be free from pain, sadness, gloom, my unwanted responsibilities. I want to do my do without any hassles. I want to just breathe free, feel better, out of this materialistic world of mess. I wish now to let life take its time, to help me find a way, a proper one, for me to survive in. I don’t at any cost want to believe I am a weak or sad being. I want to smile and make the world laugh. But on my part, I’ve had enough. I want to live for others now. I want to help. I want to in this way come closer to finding my inner qualities, my specialties, my power, my beauty in my sidelined, ignored dying self.

Published by ambikajha

I am Ambika Jha.I like to write on different topics.I feel life is too short for anything.So let us work our best in the given time and let life's music be in rhythm and rhyme.So be your best and never stop to learn and write.

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